21 Dec 2015 In: dating

one of the definitions of Smite is:

to affect mentally, morally, or emotionally with a strong and sudden feeling: They were smitten with terror.

i hesitate to to write this post as not to “jinx” anything but my gut feeling is telling me to throw caution to the wind.

at the time of my last post “new guy” was just that. 2 cups of coffee, a few hours of storytelling and a back and forth with a dinner on the horizon. fast forward a week and i’m counting down the minutes till we hang out again, we’ve seen each other 5 times in 8 days. I don’t recall the last time i have felt this strongly, let alone this strongly this quickly. i am typically pretty guarded with my heart… but i’ve not seen any reason not to be as open and giving with my feelings as he is. i’m not going to lie, it’s a little bit scary, but exhilarating at the same time. i’m in on this one, more than willing to see where it goes. i think i’ve found the divine intervention i asked for.

i think maybe i’ve wandered into the right store and there’s a great holiday sale going on.

Adventures in dating… a 2015 recap

13 Dec 2015 In: dating

Since early October I’ve been dating. Primarily online. While in my previous relationship I had some serious FOMO about Tinder so naturally that was the first place I went. For those unfamiliar with Tinder, it’s an app for your phone that presents you with potential mates that you decide if you like based on very little criteria, photo (s), age, radius/location, brief blurb. If the both of you “like” each other it’s considered a match, and you can chat. Tinder is free.

After meeting up with my first Tinder match and having them pull up my outdated okcupid profile on our first date, I decided to try that venue too, with updated info. While I had success with this site in the past, my profile wants/desires were at least 3 years old. This site is also free and allows for more of an understanding on potential mates. They can volunteer all kinds of info like height, income, education, smoking, drinking status. There are more predefined spots to detail interests, they can fill out what their potential mate should be, height, body type, income, etc. the most interesting part of okcupid is the “questions” area. You can paint a very intimate picture of yourself just based on the questions you’ve answered. Potential mates only see a persons answers if you’ve both publicly answered the questions, but you can at least see all the questions they’ve answered. When a person has 17 pages about cheating, threesomes, bondage.. It’s hard not to draw some conclusions and preconceived notions about them.

After some failed dates from these 2 sites, I decided to pay for Match again. I think it’s cost me like $70 something dollars so far, I really hope I signed up for 3 months for that cost. The app version of this site is terrible, it also feels like it’s trying to be Tinder with its yes or no “quick matches”. I do want to believe people from Match are a little more serious, as it is a pay site, and also I think it weeds out some of the trash you find on okcupid and plenty of fish. I’ve not updated my profile at POF yet, I think i’m going to skip it this time around. There tend to be a lot of the same people on there and okcupid.

There’s a new app that I just signed up with called The Grade, it is supposedly a female friendly dating app that weeds out the creeps by downgrading profiles that are incomplete, contain grammar mistakes, or have poor photo quality.. The issue I’m seeing with it currently is that it’s got a very small pool of users in Syracuse.. This one is also free.

As per usual, i like to record my experiences, so lest I forget any dates, funny experiences, details, and most importantly learning opportunities, I’m going to recap my experiences thus far. Disclaimer: I’ve changed the names to protect the innocent (or not so innocent).

This was my first date since my 2+ year relationship ended. I was at a point where on a physical level I thought my sex drive had disappeared, and it had really, for at least a year, maybe longer. I knew I wanted to test the waters again, and Pants proved to be instrumental in jump starting that battery. However, such is life, he was coming from more than one complicated situation. It was apparent and communicated early on that with my long term goal of finding someone to settle down with he was not going to fit into that mold. Despite knowing all the ways this would not be a sustainable relationship, i was having too much fun to walk away. My batteries were still charging! I loved the attention and comfortable nature of our interactions. He was very charming and good at reading people, saying what I needed to hear, being the appropriate level of affectionate at the right times. The opposite of my last relationship. There were some red flags though. Other relationships he was maintaining, some jealous behaviors, some boundary/privacy violations, and a couple times where he would psychologically scare me to see how I would react. He wouldn’t give me his phone number, seeing where he lived wasn’t an option, and being together in public had an element of uncomfortableness to it. We carried on for about a month and it was exhilarating, fun and passionate. Just what I needed to believe was possible again. Eventually he chose to pursue another of his relationships and cut me loose.

Pants has actually turned into a valuable resource since our short time together though. He’s still fun to communicate with, I’m still learning chess, he doesn’t hold back when I ask for advice on potential suitors, and he maintains his complimentary esteem building nature towards me.

Age: Mid 30s
Ethnicity: Latino/Asian
Venue: Tinder
First date: Dunkin Donuts, Parkway, Sahota Palace – coffee, walking, dinner
Dick pics: no, but I think he wanted to send some
Strengths: excellent communicator, very open, chess phenom, brilliant, extremely quick wit, intoxicatingly fun, sober, competitive, self aware, in therapy
Interesting things of note: can use chopsticks, has a bunch of kids
Lessons I should learn from this experience: Listen if someone tells you to run. Talking about issues doesn’t need to be as anxiety inducing as I like to make it. I don’t like dating in secret.
Status: electronic friend / consultant


Jungle Baby
I met this gentleman for coffee one afternoon. He was very attractive, we had a palpable connection and the conversation was pretty easy. I’m pretty good at keeping a conversation going and avoiding awkward silences though. This guy was extremely educated and I think he is pursuing a Ph.D. He had lived in some major cities and other countries. He talked more than once during our date and in text conversations about cooking for me. I let him know my dietary preferences (no seafood, no bones..) he didn’t seem phased and even claimed not to like seafood himself. We texted a few times after that date in an attempt to meet again, but it wasn’t seeming to work and I was still too distracted by Pants to care about it, so that fizzled out.

Age: late 30s or mid 30s
Ethnicity: I forget, some Caribbean island I think
Venue: okcupid
First date: Starbucks – coffee
Dick pics: no, but…
Strengths: Smelled great. Seemed genuinely interested in me. Very complimentary.
Interesting things of note: He had a wide range of niche interests, hair cutting, djing, barista-ing, tree studies. He sent me multiple photos of himself in his “Halloween” costume which consisted of just strategically placed leaves… Calling it “jungle baby”.
Lessons I should learn from this experience: I’m not sure what the learning opps were here.
Status: done


I had lengthy written correspondence with this guy prior to our date. I don’t know if this hindered the date or not. There were multiple times where he would ask, “what else?”. I think he was nervous. He also ordered before I got there leaving me to order my own drink. Not a deal breaker, but something I noted. He was child and wife free, had a stable job, didn’t own his own place. He drove a minivan, by choice. And a motorcycle. He also had a flip phone, by choice. These factors, a lack of spark, plus the Pants distraction led to my ending this with him before a further date was scheduled. He was very nice, but it just wasn’t there. He casually mentioned at the end of our date that he might “stop by” trivia one of these days. That horrified me.

Age: early 40s
Ethnicity: white
Venue: okcupid
First date: Panera – coffee
Dick pics: no
Strengths: Tall. Stable.
Interesting things of note: odd choices in cars and technology.
Lessons I should learn from this experience: There should be a level of excitement on my part.
Status: done

The Professor
My physical attraction to this guy was kind of strong on paper, he looked like a comedian I really like, he was a professor, and he had well written correspondences. What I should have paid attention to was that his tangent filled, wordy responses were just a tip of the verbal iceberg. We met for sushi and sake one Saturday evening. He was a regular at this place, he had all sorts of knowledge of who was sleeping with whom amongst the waitstaff and management. He ordered sushi, and used a fork to eat it, that was disconcerting to me. He talked. A lot. About himself. A lot. He is writing a book/screenplay/reviews/articles. He has agents, publicists, partners, etc. He also knows famous people. He was going to LA for December break. The name dropping and self aggrandizing never ended. It was a true challenge trying to feign interest in him. His focus in life is music and musicians, he plays the piano, self taught. Music has never been a strong interest of mine, sure I have some bands and genres I casually like, but this guy quoted lyrics all night, and told me back stories of musicians I had barely heard of. I might have gotten in maybe 5 minutes of talking the entire night. He did at one point ask me what I was thinking, I told him I didn’t feel like I had a lot to contribute to his conversation. He laughed and said something like I could be taught. We had a further drink at a bar afterwards where he met some of my friends, I later learned they were less than impressed. He drove me home and walked me to the door. He wanted to come in, I declined, he kissed me on the porch and made a date for the next night. I was surprised he wanted to see me again as I saw nothing that I had to bring to the table in this relationship.

He picked me up for our 2nd date and we went out for Mexican, once again he was a regular and once again he grandstanded. Afterwards we went to his house where he was going to play me some piano. He did. It was muddy sounding. He doesn’t read music, just plays by ear, he also sang. He told me he could play anything, except a lot of the songs I requested. He downright refused to play Pearl Jam. He said he chose sides in the 90’s and he picked Nirvana. Oh, now is probably a good time to mention that he was separated. His wife and child live down state, but they had lived in his house at some point because there were baby gates all over and toys on the porch. He still wore his wedding ring which turns out had some holocaustic significance that I didn’t want to push. His place looked like it had been robbed of all its furniture, window coverings and artwork. It was kind of sad actually, empty wine bottles strewn about. When the musical portion of the evening was over he went upstairs and I milled around in the dark of the living room sensing where this was going. Eventually he came to collect me. I resisted his advances in his bedroom and eventually he satisfied himself. I felt bad for him, but I just wasn’t feeling any sort of reciprocated interest on his part, so I wasn’t going to sleep with him. We ended up watching The Affair before he drove me home, I don’t know if he was angered or embarrassed about it, but he said on the ride home, “I think you did the right thing by not sleeping with me”. I think I did too.

Age: early 40s
Ethnicity: white
Venue: Match
First date: Kyoko – sushi/sake
Dick pics: no
Strengths: Educated. Well traveled. Good grammar.
Interesting things of note: Flaming narcissist. Incompatible kisser.
Lessons I should learn from this experience: Don’t waste time with people super into music, you’re not into it and you won’t be.
Status: done

This was a guy a met on Tinder. Most Tinder matches for me end up being based on more of a physical nature, you know, the info available is so limited.. This guy had the look I like, dark hair, dark eyes, facial hair, masculine. We decided to meet after very limited correspondence. We met for drinks.. I knew almost immediately I wanted to be physical with this guy. A bunch of drinks later and a competitive game of darts made that a reality. He works an off schedule where he doesn’t get out of work till midnight or something, and I think he works like 6 days a week.. His car also reeked of pot. Also not really a good conversationalist. I was craving some affection and I got some. Will this turn into anything, no. Was it fun, absolutely.

Age: late 30s
Ethnicity: Italian
Venue: Tinder
First date: Papa Gallo – drinks, chips and salsa
Dick pics: no
Strengths: Good looking. Great kisser.
Interesting things of note: Best kisser in years.
Lessons I should learn from this experience: Not into potheads. Dates that begin with alcohol have little potential for long term.
Status: done?

Hmm. This guy I have not met in person. He’s a theory at this point. We matched on Tinder when he was in town for work and has been out of state ever since. We’ve been chatting off and on for a month.. I’m so attracted to him it makes me blush thinking about it, he actually has a LOT of similarities to Pants. We chat as though we will connect next time he’s in town, I’m having a battle between my mind and my impulses on whether or not to meet up with him. I know right now he’s not the one, but I am so drawn to him and compelled to experience him in person that I’m really struggling with what to do. You folks are witnessing questionable choices being made in real time. I just feel like I will regret not meeting him if I don’t at least make an attempt. Maybe a higher purpose will intervene and for some reason it won’t work out, and I won’t have regrets. I think I need to get my therapists thoughts and insights about why I am so drawn to him and others like him next week.

Age: my age
Ethnicity: white
Venue: Tinder
First date: hasn’t happened
Dick pics: dick VIDEOS
Strengths: Attraction is off the charts. Off the charts. He’s open and honest. Blue collar. Funny. Confident.
Interesting things of note: His step dad just died last month.
Lessons I should learn from this experience: Sex addicts are not helping me get closer to my end goal of finding “the one”.
Status: texting

Long Island
This was a misstep on my part. This guy reached out to me on okcupid. I had looked at his profile after I saw that he looked at mine, he had that look I like, but he lives in Long Island, so I didn’t really think much of him. He contacted me and right away he wanted to send me a photo of his junk. He was insistent. Fine, I let him. It was a penis, they’re not all too different. He was uncircumcised and in need of a trim. Our conversation were flirty and progressed to the point where we talked on the phone, I considered meeting up with him. Then I did a little research… He had given me an email address and said it was his “fake” email. I took that to mean the account you use to sign up for giveaways, subscription based emails, etc. When I started to deep dive into Google on this guy I unearthed some crazy shiz. The name he gave me was not matching up to the multiple SM accounts I was finding with his photo, location, and even one where he had posted some compromising videos he had taken with a woman. He talked vaguely about a personal website he was creating that he couldn’t talk about.. I found that site which also had this alternate name.. When I confronted him with my findings he tried to tell me that he told me that was a fake account and the girl in the videos had purportedly set all these up as a way to make money.


Age: mid 30s
Ethnicity: Latino
Venue: okcupid
First date: didn’t happen
Dick pics: yes
Strengths: Attractive. Traveled. Cute accent/dialect. Had a technology and web focused job.
Interesting things of note: He didn’t have a car.
Lessons I should learn from this experience: Where there is smoke there is fire. You don’t have time for untruths Rebecca.
Status: done


With Google making it so easy to research and verify people these days I’m still shocked that Long Island was so sloppy with his alternate identity. It was not difficult to find him and many of his profiles pointed me to the next profile. Being in the web space for work makes this an inexcusable crime.

Maybe men don’t really worry about the dangers of meeting strangers. Their friends, relatives and colleagues probably aren’t as concerned for them, but many of the people I’ve seen or met with for one reason or another I’ve emailed them and not 1 stumbled on this blog. My URL is in my email address!

Pants did search some of my social media and honestly, it was kind of refreshing. I usually don’t go into a date completely unprepared.



This guy. We matched on Tinder again while he was in Syracuse on business and he seems very into me, very curious about odd things about me, like what I ate. He also lives in Long Island. He claims that he will come here to see me, but not till January, right now is his busy season. He’s a commodities trader. He has a daughter that is 13 and lives with his mother in Alabama. Her mother is nowhere to be found. I’m pretty sure this is just an amusing distraction. But it is very amusing.

Age: mid 30s I think
Ethnicity: Spanish from Spain by way of Alabama
Venue: Tinder
First date: hasn’t happened
Dick pics: no
Strengths: tbd
Interesting things of note: flys to Alabama every weekend, goes to church
Lessons I should learn from this experience:  tbd
Status: amused texting


I met this guy way before I met Justin. We went on one date. He drove up from Binghamton or further to meet me. We didn’t even kiss. At the time, he was in some complicated stuff with his ex and kids and who knows. We’ve kept in touch and I think he’s in between relationships again, potentially going to start working in Syracuse.. Currently we just text, I’m not sure I actually see potential, but he was very nice to me and continues to be nice.

Age: 40s
Ethnicity: Latino
Venue: Craigslist I think
First date: Coppertop – dinner & drinks 5 years ago
Dick pics: no
Strengths: Genuine. Open. He likes me.
Lessons I should learn from this experience: tbd
Interesting things of note: Has 2 kids and terrible ex relationship.
Status: texting

New Guy

This guy just moved back from PA to be closer to his daughter. He’s nice, domestically travelled, has a penchant for Boston, mild mannered, is passionate and positive about his job and life in general. He seems responsible. Can drive a manual transmission. I think it’s a little too early to make any conclusions.

Age: mid 30s
Ethnicity: white
Venue: Match
First date: Panera – coffee
Dick pics: no
Strengths: optimistic, he loves his daughter, is close to his family
Interesting things of note: Has a daughter. Seemingly decent relationship with his ex wife. Was a phlebotomist in a prior job.
Lessons I should learn from this experience: Too early to know.
Status: 2nd date scheduled

There are a couple more people on the fringes that I’m in various states of chat with and more pop up all the time, but these are the noteworthy ones. My therapist says about online dating that you mostly just need to be persistent, it takes a lot time to weed through.

This is a no brainer, but it seems like the dates that don’t center around alcohol are better quality candidates with the exception of the sex addicts. ;)

I also seem to be meeting the 2 extreme sides of the scale. On one hand there are the physically charged attractions, they aren’t panning out for long term. Then on the other hand the more dry, respectful guys don’t hold my interest, and I have a hard time ending things with them. I don’t think I’ve ever had a relationship that’s been a healthy balance of the both. One where there is a mutual sustained attraction and a respect on a mental level. I wonder if I’m capable of finding that. does someone like that exist?  Currently I’m trending towards valuing the passionate connections higher and that is making me happier in the short term, but here I am single at 40 having dragged my feet through my childbearing years. *sigh*

In retrospect I met a  couple decent guys via Magic the Gathering one of which I am still friends with today, the other broke my heart.. I now wish that i hadn’t gotten rid of all my decks, I had original cards. :( I have looked into local groups and there is one right near my house in Syracuse. I wonder if it would be worth the investment in buying new cards to meet people in a more traditional way. I’d have to reteach myself the game. hmmm.

Television Game is Suffering

1 Dec 2015 In: General

Cohabiting, dating and working a 2nd job has really put a cramp in my television viewing. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing… Just I used to watch everything, now I have to really pick and choose and then make an effort to watch.

This season I’m committed to watching in chronological order, Sunday to Saturday…

Walking Dead
The Affair
Last Man on Earth
Mindy Project
Amazing Race
Saturday Night Live

I also binged Master of None recently…omg, I didn’t want that show to end. First of all I love Aziz, he is so funny. Secondly, the show is basically all minorities and they talk about how weird it is there aren’t more minorities in shows. Thirdly, his relationship is one of the more real relationships I’ve seen on tv lately. It’s refreshing. The show really zigs when you expect it to zag. One of my favorite scenes is when he spends 45 minutes researching the best restaurant to go to.

Another show I binge watched at the end of the last season was Mr Robot. That was such a topical show. Who didn’t love Christian Slater in the 90’s? And it also put Rami Malek on my radar and into my fantasies. He he.

I have been recording the leftovers and from the spoilers I’ve been trying to avoid it sounds great this season… I look forward to binging on that next now that walking dead is over.

This might be sad, you’ve been forewarned.

25 Nov 2015 In: General


So some of you asked me to post this back in July, I’m just getting around to it now..

I’m pretty sure it could be cleaned up for grammar and sentences but I’ll leave it just as I wrote it this summer.

In the spirit of giving thanks I can’t adequately describe how thankful and lucky I am to have been my fathers daughter, I miss him.

Thank you for for coming today, we are overwhelmed by the love and kindness we’ve been experiencing in these tough times. It’s hard to wrap my mind around how my dad was so beloved. We feel so much love from everyone right now. Family and friends have travelled from all over the country to come here today and we are so appreciative. A special thanks to the Enders road family for all of their support over the last 20+ years. Everyone has been so great.


My Dad was sick for a long time. But he really didn’t show it. He was such a strong, silent fighter. He was the epitome of being strong. His triple bypass in 1991 was supposed to last 10 years. He lasted 24 years. He rarely ever complained. He was so uncomfortable this last year, always short of breath, short of energy, needing to be wheel chaired around at Disney, but he still never complained or threw himself a pity party. He was strong. I remember him coming out to a crowded Irish bar with us in Boston after having an angiogram, where they snake a camera through the arteries in your groin and not complaining about any of the discomfort he must have been feeling. He never wanted to be a burden.


I want to believe he knew that this week was perfect timing where he could finally let go and be at peace.
I do want to mention some of the things I loved and will miss about him:


I loved his sarcastic sense of humor and his deadpan delivery. I was reminded recently of the time he told some of my friends that a nude painting I made that was hanging in my house was in fact him.

Dad and Mark

I cherish the times we made road trips together, especially going to Florida in 2003 to go to Red Sox spring training. I remember him pointing out David Ortiz before he was officially on the roster and saying, look at him, he’s crushing these balls, he’s going to be a great addition to the team. He loved the Red Sox after I started following them when I moved to Boston. He even paid attention to the patriots for me too. We stayed with my grandma and Dave in Florida that trip in the green Saturn and stopped in Clarksville as well. In 2013 I suggested we drive down to TN cause I knew he probably didn’t have too many more years left to make that kind of trip. We had a blast, I’ll never forget the bonfire as big as a city block, so big that mark had to warn the fire department we were lighting it. That was a great trip, I love seeing dad and mark together and hearing them reminisce about old times. I’m so glad I got to take him to see Harry Potter World and have a butter beer.

I think I’m going to have a really hard time on Thursdays going forward as Thursday’s are trivia night and dad was always in his element there, I feel like he literally knew everything. I know he enjoyed going, he even had a rubber stamp made with our team name on it. He loved everyone on our team, Kate, Judi, Gary, the Tyos even Jeremy.


Learning how to play lacrosse and getting to spend so much time with him was a blessing, I certainly didn’t see it at the time though.. It wasn’t until well into adulthood that I realized that not everyone’s parents attend every single sporting event you play in, even in college in Oswego he came to all my games, in high school he even came to practices. so much so, he eventually became the coach. He went to every Clarkson Lacrosse game of Emily’s, everyone on the team knew and learned from him. He even knew the other parents. He was so proud of us.


When we were kids we camped, a lot. The day long canoe trips and the portaging between lakes were some real character building experiences. He always grossly underestimated the length of the trips. He had to go to bed early while camping because our side fires stressed him out.


I loved that he was quiet. He didn’t feel the need to fill silences with mindless chatter, he listened. He always had sound advice and knew the right way to do things. He would do anything for us, he was so generous.


His message to us always was to be strong. I’m so thankful that my mom and dad raised us girls to be so independent and capable, encouraging us to play sports, cheering for our successes, supporting us when wHarry Potter Worlde made mistakes. Never judging. He never took sides and was always the impartial voice of reason. Most importantly he raised us all to believe that there is nothing a girl can not do.


One last thing I admired about him was how he always wore his wedding ring. Even though it was dangerous because he was an electrician. He loved my mom, and he loved us. I’d be lying if I said I’m not heartbroken that he won’t be there to walk me down the aisle and dance with me if I ever get married.


Before I close, I want to thank some specific people:


First of all my brother in laws. Ryan and Junior are some of the greatest people I know. They are selfless, kind, supportive and loving. I can completely see why my sisters trust you with their hearts and why my dad trusted you to take care of them forever. You’re wonderful fathers to my nieces and nephews. I know Ryan is probably sick of Emily saying ‘well my dad said this, my dad did it this way, why do you need two air compressors, my dad never even had one’. Your parents did an excellent job raising you, and Emily and Sarah are lucky to have you, and I’m lucky to know you.


Emily, you are my support system, my sounding board, I appreciate how unconditionally supportive and generous you always are and I love you for that. I’m so sorry this is all happening so close to your birthday. We all know I would be besides myself if this were all happening in February. ;) And I know you will pass on dads love of Syracuse Basketball to Audrey and Ethan. And I know this season you are going to miss texting with dad every game complaining about how bad they are playing.


Cath, you are so strong, you have literally stood by dad for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, lots of sickness. And now with death you do part. I can’t say enough about how much I appreciate our recent living situation. it’s been so nice to have you as a roommate again, and I look forward to helping you through the times to come. We can lean on each other. I love you.


The kids. Teagan, Audrey, Zoe, Ethan and Declan. You are making this process a little bit easier just by being your funny little selves. Thank you for reminding us to smile when we are all so sad. Never be afraid to ask questions or cry, and don’t forget that a piece of Grampy will always live on in your hearts. I love all of you to pieces.


Lastly I want to thank Sarah, we don’t always see eye to eye, especially as of late, but there is not enough time left in the year to express my gratitude to you for being there with mom and dad through all those hospital visits, doctors appointments, surgeries. You have solely carried the weight and burden of dads illness on your back. you have known for a looooong time how truly sick he was, and shielded emily and I from the worst, knowing we couldn’t handle the tragic details you have been shouldering all these years. You allowed us to live in ignorant bliss of the gravity of the situation. You’ve been swallowing all that stress. You are always so strong. Your love of taking care of him led you to your career. I know he loved having you and felt so safe with you by his side. Dad couldn’t have asked for a better daughter. I thank you and I love you, and I hope someday soon your stress will be alleviated.


So dad, wherever you are, I hope you still have 22 sodas left, a fully stocked pond, 18 holes, can get all the SU lacrosse & basketball games, and never ending black and white war movies to occupy your time until I see you again.

an analogy

23 Nov 2015 In: dating

I’ve been sampling the dating market out there for a couple months now and i feel like it’s a lot like shopping.

You take a lot of clothes into the dressing room, try them on, take some selfies, but most go back into the store.

Then you find a pair of jeans, your size,  perfect color, they fit well, they’re the right length, they make you feel sexy… but they’re not on sale. Pricetag is way too expensive. They are great jeans, but you can’t justify the cost.

Then the associate tells you, “Actually, those aren’t for sale, they’ve been put on hold for someone else… they should never have been on the rack in the first place.” Then the mix of emotions. First anger, how irresponsible that these jeans were even in circulation. Then loss, you had started to imagine where you could go in these jeans, they could have been your new favorite “going out jeans”… Then relief, you really couldn’t afford them anyway.

You can hope that maybe in a year or two they’ll be at the thrift store, but in reality all you can do is keep searching the sale rack, something’s got to fit.